Inability to heal…

Okay, so normally I would be pointing out the insanity of the extremes of the anti-pit movement but underneath all of that hate is a real serious problem. The inability to heal.

No one can describe the pain of losing a child. I can. You would think the pain is so horrible that you couldn’t even find words to describe the pain and grief and you can’t at first. There are millions of feelings that overwhelm you and you actually have the inability to form a single thought. At least that is how it was with me.


Millions of mothers and fathers lose their children in many different ways. SIDS,child abuse,abductions,wars,accidents,animal attacks, car wrecks,train wrecks,AIDS,cancer, unexplainable illness,starvation,murder…. The list could go on. One thing I have noticed is- Not one grieving parent tells another “My grief and loss is more important or tragic than yours.”

I don’t hear grieving parents blaming innocent people for their loss. But- I could easily blame individuals who may not have been the cause of my loss but did things similar. Maybe your a bartender who let their customers drink themselves stupid and then took pictures of those intoxicated clients AND then let then drive on the street with innocent people. Or- you could be known as the party guy- drinking- doing some drugs while spinning tunes in some bar. I could easily blame you. But why would I? You didn’t cause my loss. No matter how hard I could justify it to myself- blaming you would serve no purpose whatsoever ever.

I see grieving parents from all steps in life with different stories coming together and supporting each other through all stages of the cycle of grief because most want one thing:

I find that the individuals that are stuck in one place heartbreaking. :


I suppose I can’t blame them. They are recruited at the most horrific moment in their lives and are not given the tools,the support or the ability to transition to the next stage. Why, you ask? The group needs these individuals to stay angry and raw. Again, why? Because in that state of mind you can justify any kind of behavior! Good or bad- they can rationalize it and they do not have the ability to understand why other people refuses to enable their negative behavior. Those that have transitioned from that anger stage knows that it’s not acceptable and understands how damaging staying in that one stage can be.


Life is forever changed when we lose our children, but life doesn’t
stop. I don’t expect innocent people to pay for my loss and I know millions of other parents agree. My only wish (besides solving world hunger, no more homelessness, no more child/woman/animal/man abused..) is that they find peace. They heal. Fight the good fight they believe in but fight it with dignity, understanding,compassion and from a place where there is no more room for hate.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s