The Manual

As a owner of a cute cuddly T-rex- I feel that I’m 100% qualified to put this manual together. I’ve got a pretty impressive resume- even though absolutely NOTHING in paleontology– but who needs that? I mean- I’ve only had my T-rex for a few days but it’s not about the time or training but it’s about the power of Google. Educate yourself- got that?

Am I right? Right?! Look- craigslist is like the Walmart of purebreeds. I’m pretty sure my T-Rex was bred responsibly- just look at him!

He has minor health & behavioral issues- some skin disorders, veggie allergies, meat only diet, Dino aggressive- sometimes tries to take a few fingers off- but according to Google it’s okay. He’ll outgrow it! I tried talking to a so called “expert” and he look horrified at the idea of me bringing home a t-rex. I very sharply informed him MY t-rex is safer than my pit bull.

I mean- he just wants to give a love nibble!

My T-Rex is a purebred Dino. If you don’t have the paper work showing the lineage of YOUR t-rex- please call yours a Dino Mix.

Did you know that when you misidentify your dinosaur it hurts my real T-Rex?

Some people like Tu-Tus and cute costumes- but my T-rex prefers glitter-

Glitter shoes help build muscle- they love it! It’s not abuse- but it’s giving them what they want.

My T-rex hardly almost never bites and if he does- it was either an accident or just a really bad accident.

And if he does bite you- I have plenty of band aids to reattach your arm.

Who doesn’t love teeth filled kisses? I mean- right? Huge sharp teeth lovely kisses?

Don’t Judge my T-Rex!!!!

My T-rex might have a history of devouring whole animals on a daily basis and would have ZERO issue eating you, your family and your pit bull but he’s such a sweetheart!

I raise my t-rex with love, snuggles and big fluffy pillows- it totally made him forget he loves to eat every living thing.

He honestly did not mean to eat that care bear- it was an accident.

As a responsible T-rex owner- I totally encourage kids climbing all over him. Didn’t you know that T-Rex’s love kids?

Remember- he just loves to live nibble-

I refuse to support the propaganda machine of hate by supporting negative movies bashing my T-rex.

I mean- my T-rex will not eat your dog. Look- my t-rex is sitting nicely next to a dangerous pit bull. Do you see the threatening body language of that pit?

Finally- if by chance by t-rex does bite you- you probably provoked it. I mean, my t-rex is not a meat eating ancient killing machine and that’s racist for you to think that. In fact- if you own a pit bull then you would know that pits are responsible for the almost extinction of the T-rex. Pits are bred to take out T Rex’s by the dozen!

Get your facts straight and don’t judge my T-rex.

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