I, (insert name here), do solemnly swear that my Land Shark (otherwise known as a Pit Bull.) has no intention of eating me while I sleep.
My Land Shark has never partook in any criminal activity such has:
A) Smuggling crack, meth, heroine, pot or illegal immigrants into the United States.
B) Robbed any banks, grocery stores or gas stations.
C) Gang banging in the suburbs in recalled Ford Pintos
My Land Shark prefers sleeping upside down on the couch then beating up 6th graders and taking their lunch money. My Land Shark does bark daily at the mailman to thank him for the milk bone he leaves in our mail box daily because it’s just the polite thing to do.
I am obligated to warn you as a responsible Land Shark owner that my Land shark passes horrific gas. I apologize before hand if you become enthralled with my Land Shark and all of his awesomness and you run out and get one for yourself.
Responsible Land Shark Owner