The Daxton’s Friends Guarantee

Daxton’s Friends will not promise legitimate dog education beyond what wikipedia can provide, nor will they guarantee how to prevent dog bites and attacks, BUT Jeff Borchardt, founder of Daxton’s Friends can guarantee that if you are one of the millions of pit bull type/bully breed type dogs: there is a 100% chance that you will be killed by your dog.

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Mark his words folks, according to Jeff Borchardt- it’s just a matter of time. Right at this moment, millions of pit and bully mixes are communicating via skype and plotting.

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Have you found expired milk in the fridge? Questionable guacamole mislabeled? Be afraid, according to Animal 24-7 Editor, inducing food poisoning is genetically hard wired into these demon dogs.

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Before you head down a flight of stairs, be aware of your surroundings. According to Dogsbite.org, pit bulls and bully breeds are purpose bred to “trip” (push) you down a flight of stairs.

Smell something horrific in a enclosed environment? There is no doubt your pit bull is attempting to gas you to death with his arsenal of deadly ass gas.

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According to Borchardt, the probability of your pit/bull breed type dog killing you is at a all time high. Since, our fate is predicted by Borchardt and his psychic gerbil and set in stone, we might as well live it up!

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Remember… It’s just a matter of time.

12 thoughts on “The Daxton’s Friends Guarantee

  1. I can guarantee that if any animal in my household does me in it will be a cat. Not my pit bull but one of my conniving, sneaky, trip hazard cats!! My pit is a milquetoast baby.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha…yep, I do not have to worry about my pit bull at all. But those damn cats, constantly running interference when I am walking, and they lay right on the stairs when I try to go down them! lol The only thing my pit bull is plotting, is to get me to feed her before it is time!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Waitaminnit — isn’t it part of DJ lore that he asked his babysitter NOT to allow the dogs around his son? So how can he claim ‘no one told him’ about the potential dangers of mixing big dogs and small babies?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The gas alone can be lethal. And I agree my pit bull is 12 years old. Too old to snap. My other 3 too busy counter surfing to attack. The cat however don’t trust at all. Sneaky and under my feet all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

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